Marriage isn’t quite like I had imagined it might be for me. That has a lot to do with my having never really filled in my mental picture of it with any details, prior to actually being married. On the whole I think having relatively few expectations going in has been enormously positive.

Still, it’s not what I expected.

Financially it’s not easier, no matter what anyone told you about your magical new tax bracket. Your social life will change. Your goals will probably change.

All the things people dread about marriage and the changes it brings are true. Sort of. What’s actually driving those changes is the part nobody talks about, and that’s a huge disservice to the instution.

My fiscal belt has tightened, undeniably. It would be easy enough for an observer to compare my frequent nights out prior to marriage, and my frequent nights in after, and conlude that marriage drains your cash like a cannon shell through the waterline of a schooner sinks the dingy… yet the driving factors around WHY my money is less available are almost entirely postive. Where I might eat pre-packaged food 5 nights a week and every lunch, now my wife cooks the most amazing and fresh meals 5 nights a week. I’m dressing better, I have a membership to a gym and actually go regularly, etc etc. Being in a postive relationship has changed my personal goals and standards. It’s not enough to scrimp by in miserly fashion, conserving cash for the guy’s nights out. Now that cash has to work harder to meet my changing standards.

It’s pretty much the same in my social life right now. I have different goals and always seem to have no time for pint night. When your on the other side it can seem like a betrayal, but now that I’ve passed the pale myself, it just seems like a new chapter with new priorities.